Grandmothers

I have had four grandmothers, none of which I can really remember that well. The first one is only a tale to me, a person that perished before my young Dad's eyes. The stories I have heard of her make me have high expectations. She must have been wonderful and I wish I met her just once. I haven't though, so she is a mystery just like a key made for no lock or an obscure photo that lets your imagination run wild. She is a person of the past, just like the tune of my new music box with its familiar melody. 

The second one smoked her self into ashes, which are scattered around the ocean miles out from the San Diego bay, when I was young. I saved one of her dresses from the thrift store. It has become too small for me though. Also my hair is too thick and snarly so that her little old comb’s teeth would snap if she tried combing my hair again like she used to.  Even though I new her for awhile she has become the picture on her husbands bookcase, and her last love letter to him in his bathroom. For, my memories have faded and her sent has washed out of her small dress that I kept.

The third one was my first step grandmother, but all she wanted was my grandpa’s money. I still include her though, because she was once a woman with pretty dresses and a crooked smile. Who always brought presents for me and my brother every time we saw her, but now she is the gossip that spread through my family. She is the betrayal of leaving my grandpa alone again, while trying to take a big chunk of his money. Her plan had failed though, and to me, back then, she had left me with no grandma again.

The fourth one is not even blood related, she was really a fried of my mom’s mom. She lived close by, was nice, and generous, so she took the place of me and my brother’s grandmother. We even called her grandma, but I could always tell that she only became our grandmother because she adored Sam my brother. She truly loved him like her own grandson. It still hurt when she died though, because she was my grandmother too. So, always when I look into the eyes of the numerous stuffed bears she gave me they remind me of her.

These are my grandmothers from my past and truly I loved them all with their good and their bad traits because no grandmother can be perfect. Now, many years later since my last grandma, I have witnessed a marriage of two elderly lovers. So, I bring out my dusty list of dead or divorced grandmothers to add a new one.

If I Could Rule The World

If I could rule the world, I wouldn't, there is nothing to be fixed. If there is no sorrow there would be no real joy, it would just be the normal state, which would make the human emotion bland. Smiling is not up to me, it is only meant for when someone is truly happy, if we smiled a lot more how could anyone tell when someone is feeling unhappy. Surely I could not cancel out greed, it's a natural instinct to keep ones self alive, we don't want people dying left and right from lack of food, water, and money because they given it all away now do we? I am not saying we should be egocentric, or greedy, or evil, but thats for each person to figure out on their own. I am saying that nothing should be changed, not even evil or murder, because with out those two there would be no heroes, or remorse, and guilt, or kindness, and sympathy. Thats why I wouldn't even take those two away. To end fighting is ridiculous, how could we defend our selves from someone that breaks the rules, and how could a parent set their child strait so they can face the world without crumbling. War is meant to get rid of a wrong and brings us pride and passion, it also brings us misery and misfortune, but if I take war away how could we learn from our mistakes. Suffering is just the way the world goes, and pain is how your body keeps you alive. So I wouldn't take any of it away. Also, why I ask would the human race let a child rule the world? They already took kings out of the picture, but if somehow I end up being the ruler of the world I wouldn't change anything, because its up to each person in the human race to make their individual lives better, not up to me. All I have to do is rule over me so I can be someone that people look up to because of what I have taught my self, what I have been taught, what I have been through, and what I am going through, to make myself a better person. So, I do not want to rule the world.

Computer Room

I am sitting in a computer room with the outside blocked from my view. The windows have curtains and the door is on the other side of the room. The only things I can write about here are the four white boards with little erasable ink covering them, how the lights hang from a little pole connected to the ceiling on each end, even though the lights are about two yards long. The exit sign glows lime green instead of the normal red, and the simple looking clock is the only thing hanging on the wall other than the white boards. I could also write about how the computers look brand new and their key boards clean and white, they are without smudged letters from use, and none of their letter keys tinted brown with finger oil. The mouse is white and glossy like it was polished this morning with and inedible substance, and the only color not including black, white, and grey are on our cloths. This world is different than the one right out the door, and to tell you the truth I like the other one more, this one is to bland.

Nature is always a breath of fresh air

Wind

I envy the wind, its natural fluidity, and its invisibility. The wind is almost impossible to notice when it is a light breeze. When it stops though, I can tell something is missing, but can't quite put my finger on what that is. I love how when it picks up it shakes leaves off of the trees and makes the long bladed grass dance in soft swirling motions. It's interesting that wind is usually noticed in the state of ripping shingles off roofs or numbing cheeks, making table cloths levitate, and hair float. That is when it is called a nuisance, but I see it differently. I enjoy when it brings a tear rolling vertically across my face into my hair. I savor the sounds that get caught in the wind, like a fly in a spider web, being carried across the land to my ears. I like the chill clinging to my cheeks and hands. I can see its beauty as it puts everything into motion, but also its terror when it rages in fury. In the end though, I can always breath it in and relax knowing it is pushing me along where ever I'm going.